The family is profoundly affected by the
sexual abuse of a child. All family members will experience a time of
grief and may go through Kubler Ross' stages of grief:
denial,
anger, bargaining,
depression, and
acceptance.
If the disclosed abuse was
incest, the
trauma is intensified. All members of the family will struggle to make sense of a world that no longer makes sense. If the
abuser is the
father figure, he will leave the home. If he does not leave, the home will be an unsafe place, and family members will live in
fear and
anxiety. The mother will be more profoundly affected by the
disclosure if the abuser is
her partner than if the abuser was a
stranger. She will be torn by additional
conflicting emotions at a time when the victim and other children need her the most. If the incest was perpetrated by a sibling, parents will struggle with how to support and love both children. Incest will impact family members for the rest of their lives.
If the family has also experienced
domestic violence , this will contribute to an increased sense of fear and anxiety in the home. It will affect the ability of the mother to make decisions about safety. She may feel powerless and
helpless and may be afraid of the perpetrator. She may need a
safe house during the investigation.
Family therapy is effective in talking through many of the issues that families face following sexual abuse disclosure. It is a safe place where they can talk about their feelings, including anger, and join together in planning for a safer future.
Open communication is essential for a healthy family environment. It is important that children know they can talk about the sexual abuse and feel safe in discussing their feelings. Mothers need to override their own feelings of discomfort, anxiety, and embarassment. Mothers also need to ask the hard questions of children to find out whether others have abused their child or whether other
siblings were also abused.
After sexual abuse is disclosed, the victim needs
safety,
acceptance,
counseling, and
support. Her needs must be prioritized. The ongoing
investigation will seek to uncover enough evidence to prosecute the offender and provide consequences, sanction, and
treatment. Historically, treatment resources have been directed primarily at victim and perpetrator. The needs of the mother are often overlooked at this time.
The
needs of the siblings are also rarely seen as urgent. What may be missed is that siblings have either been abused or have known about the abuse. They may struggle with guilt, shame, and self-blame. Sometimes abuse has been perpetrated by a
sibling abuser . Sometimes the child victim of incest acts out sexually with siblings. These possibilities confound the complexity of issues that mothers face as they attempt to rebuild a safe and protective environment for
all children.
Other family members are also involved following the disclosure. Some will not believe the allegation of abuse. Some will respond in inappropriate ways. Some will
judge and criticize the mother.These responses will add to the
stress that mothers feel.
If the abuse was incest and involved the biological father, step-father, or boyfriend, the mother may later choose to
reconcile with her partner.
Social services or treatment providers may have a
reunification plan for the family, based on the perpetrator's successful completion of treatment. When reconciliation or reunification occurs, the risk is present for re-abuse. If the perpetrator returns to the home, the risk is increased. Special safety precautions will be necessary.
If the offender returns to the home, or if the offender is a child who remains in the room, a Safety Plan must be implemented, with
rules and guidelines that are thoughtfully developed and implemented. It is the adult's responsibility to insure that rules and guidelines are followed and that a safe environment is created and maintained.