Building Resilience

Mothers need to build resilience factors into their lives if they are going to:

• Process through the time following the disclosure of their child's sexual abuse and function in health without suffering illness in mind and body.
• Be the most present, available, and supportive that you can be to their child.
• Experience the least long term consequences to themselves. 

 Some of the ways that you can build resilience include:

1. Building relationships and a network of friends and community supports that you can spend time with and call as necessary.
2. Seeing crisis as a challenge and not a horrible situation that you cannot endure. The Chinese sign for crisis includes both "danger" and "opportunity." Try not to catastrophize. As bad as things appear, try to find small things to be thankful for.
3. Practicing acceptance as the answer. Fighting the truth, not accepting the abuse, the effects, your child, yourself, your situation will make the process more painful and the recovery period longer. Focus on what you are capable of influencing and changing in your circumstances.  
4. Goal-setting. Make goals, but make sure that they are realistic. Make a list of what you want to do today, this week. Accomplishing small goals helps you feel better about your life.
5. Decision-Making. Being active in solving problems and making decisions will help in eliminating the powerlessness and helplessness that can occur in times like this. Do your best to practice awareness, face reality, and trust yourself to make wise decisions.
6. Self-growth. Find ways that you can grow and become the person you most want to be. That may mean volunteering or going back to school.
7. Be gentle with yourself. Do not judge yourself. Be as kind to yourself as you are to others. Expect others to be kind to you. 
8. Try to keep things in perspective. Tomorrow is a new day. Life will eventually be less chaotic and painful. Slow down and smell the roses. Pay attention to your child. Play. Laugh.
9. Take care of yourself. Take a bubble bath. Take a day off with a friend and go to the beach or walk by the river or visit an art museum or a tea house and enjoy a tea ceremony. Do something different and immerse yourself in the experience.
10. Write about your feelings. Write poetry. Journal. Write a story to express yourself.
11. Be creative in other ways. Take an art class. Sign up for ballet. Take piano lessons.
12. Practice your spirituality. Read spiritual literature. Pray. Practice meditation.  Go to church or your place of worship. Sign up for a Yoga class.